a valentine's top ten (belated)

top ten reasons why it's good to be married to luke when you're preggo.

10. he tells you you’re pretty when you know you’re not.

9. he gets caleb from his crib EVERY morning and makes him a bottle so you can stay in bed.

8. he gets giddy during ultrasound appointments.

7. he gives you thoughtful pregnancy gifts like baby books, magazines, healthy snacks and flowers.

6. he gives THE best foot massages. on demand. and they are demanded a lot.

5. when you pass out on the couch, he always makes sure you end up snug in your bed.

4. he's very believable when he tells you everything is going to be okay.

3. he makes the cliche late night runs to buy you ice cream, peanut butter, low carb wraps ... anything.

2. he loves his children like nobody's business.

1. did i mention his foot massages?

luke i love you. you are quite simply the best around. you do a million little and big things for us every single day and never ask or expect to be thanked for any of it. but we are thankful for you. so, so thankful!

to the little boy i love most

Dear Caleb,

Here I am trying to wrap my head around the idea that in the next few weeks it won’t be just the three of us. We will be sharing our time, our space, our hearts with a little baby girl who you will call sister and we will call daughter.

It will no longer be just us. When you’ll have our undivided attention. When you’re our only child. When we can hold you and snuggle with you for as long as we want. When we can sit on the floor for hours reading books, playing with toys and coloring. When you’re the only one we have to put to bed at night and rescue every morning when you cry for “mommy and daddy.” When it’s just you we have to strap to the car seat and entertain on long drives.

I am not sad for us. I’m excited for us. But I’m a little worried about you. There are certain things I want to tell you before she comes. And the truth is, I do tell you these things all the time but you either ignore me or stare at me blankly or laugh at me, just as any sweet little boy who’s almost two should do.

I want you to know how much you are loved. How much you have to look forward to. And I want you to hold onto these words on those days you wish it was back to being us again … when you were the only child … when life was just a little more predictable and fair.

You are SO loved, Caleb. You are irreplaceable to us. Yes, we will have to share our attention and yes, we love your little sister with all of our hearts, too. But I hope you always remember that you started this whole thing. You taught us how to be parents. I don’t just love you. I adore you … I enjoy you … I delight in you. And I swear my heart grows bigger every second you are in my life.

There are so many wonderful changes that are in store for you. You are about to gain a lifelong partner in crime. Another little person for you to play with and grow up with and teach and learn from. A built-in best buddy. A little sister you get to protect. You are so good and gentle and nurturing with babies. I think you are going to be a fabulous big brother. I pray you will always strive to be someone she looks up to, someone she can trust and someone she always knows has her back. I know the sibling relationships aren’t always perfect, but I want you to remember that you and your little sis will always have a divine, everlasting bond that no one else can touch. I can’t wait to see this with my own eyes. I know you are going to love her and care for her in your own funny, sweet, unique way. I know you are going to do a wonderful job at this business of being a big brother.

I have loved every minute of it just being us. Every single minute. Because time spent with you ... watching you evolve and absorb and grow and thrive … it is all time that I cling to and never want to forget.

As we prepare to add another little person to our family, I just want to thank you for paving the road for her. It’s because of you that I’m so excited to be a mom again, and that I feel so much more confident this time. I’m excited for another person to fill my heart with the same kind of wonderful joy you’ve given me. You have been my little hero throughout. A boy who can make anyone smile. A tough little cookie. A thinker. Someone who runs, not walks. And a little angel who helped heal parts of me I didn’t even know were broken.

I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect boy to teach me how to be a mom.

Thanks for showing me the ropes, little man. You are always the little boy I love most.

Love,
Mom

image courtesy of google.

As I enter week 34 – the final weeks of pregnancy - it is all coming back to me.

The nesting phase. The one where I can’t stand any clutter, any disorganization, any project left undone. I may or may not have thrown away a box full of old pictures and letters, given away clothes that I loved and may one day fit into again, and gotten rid of some household items I’d been saving forever. I don’t have time to sort or post things on craigslist. I’m just about sticking everything in a bag and driving to my local Goodwill. They call me by my first name there now. No they don’t. But give it another week. I’m glad my marriage has survived this phase.

The emotional roller coasters. I cry easily. I take things the wrong way. I overreact. Then I overreact to overreacting. I am blaming this ALL on pregnancy. None of this is my regular personality whatsoever. Okay, so maybe it is. But pregnancy definitely exacerbates it. I will just say – if you are 8 months pregnant, don’t watch “The Help.” You will cry your eyes out, which may be normal. But then you might have to go in the other room and cry for another half hour. Which is not so normal.

The case of the crazies. Suddenly, after months and months and months and months I realize the obvious. We are going to have a baby! And it freaks me out a little. With Caleb it was just the newness of it all. With this one, it’s knowing what is coming and adding a toddler to that equation. It's all the little details and questions with unknown answers. I know people do it all the time. And as Lisa pointed out, some people even have 18 kids … and counting. So I will be fine. God help me. Literally, God, please help me.

And in the midst of taking these jaunts down memory lane, I’m also reminded how much I have to look forward to. I loved labor. Even the pain and the pushing was all part of something so incredibly exciting for me. I find myself so eager to relive that day. The day you get to meet your baby for the first time.

I remember the little tiny moments that are just mine and Luke's. I hold them in my heart and, presumably until the day I die, they will always make me feel like the most blessed person on earth. The moment I was shaking on an operating table, about to meet Caleb for the first time. My aunt and uncle were in the room and my entire family was just outside the door (so close I could hear them) and all I could do was look up at Luke as he held my hand and believe him as he prayed for us and told us that we were going to be okay. The moment of hearing Caleb’s cry and then the eruption of joy outside the operating room door. The moment I held my baby ... my baby ... and he was perfect. The gratefulness, the awe, the happiness… it was all so effortless. I loved that feeling. How easy it was to be so aunthentically thankful. I’m looking forward to going back there again with this precious babe. I’m looking forward to seeing Luke be an amazing dad all over again – this time to his little girl. I’m looking forward to Caleb seeing his sister for the first time and learning how to be a brother.

And these are the things that remind me why – despite any worries, fears or anxieties, I am truly, truly thankful to be here all over again.

now this is more like it.

just when i was beginning to think that my son had an abnormal love for mall santas, this happened: 

we'll see what happens next year, but if i do end up having to sit on santa's lap again, at least i won't be 7 months pregnant.

happy birthday, norah!

norah decided she wanted to go to the American Girl store for her birthday. lucky us ... because that meant we got to spend the whole weekend with the christies and celebrate this sweet, beautiful girl's special day! we loved every minute of it.

and the next morning, caden made us some delicious pancakes for breakfast with his own special spices. they tasted like christmas! hopefully when he makes it as an iron chef on the food network someday, he'll introduce me to rachael ray.

oh and i should mention - maggie cleaned, organized and rearranged my whole house, while david built us an office in our closet to help us save space in baby girl marvel's nusery. um. pretty much my dream come true. thank you, christies!!

how i spent my thanksgiving.

we traded the turkey and stuffing for a dinner at sharis. checked our phones every five minutes to see how she was progressing. made a late night visit to the hospital and ended the day with the most beautiful sight - a healthy and amazing baby jace. conventional? no. perfect? most definitely.

citizen's arrest