five years.

five years ago today, i didn't know a perfect day existed.


i didn't know how much i'd love living in our new house together. how much i'd enjoy being a wife. how everything finally would feel like it was just right.


i didn’t know that he’d be deployed after just four months. how we’d spend 18 months apart. how horrible goodbyes would be. how every prayer would be answered and he'd come home to me.


i didn’t know that life could be so fun. that the same things could make me laugh for years. that trying new things could unlock so many new experiences. that enjoyment is multiplied by a trillion when you enjoy something with your best friend.


i didn’t know about the trials. the tears. the losses. how God would give me someone who’d so amazingly help me bear my burdens. someone who would always have my back.


i didn’t know about Caleb B. how we’d get to be his parents. how wonderful and hard it would be at times and how fortunate i'd feel to have him in my corner.


and i didn’t know about this newest little one. what he or she would add to our lives before even entering the world. how thankful i'd be to be on this journey together again.


i didn’t know that i wanted to grow old. that i’d actually look forward to it. that every day, every year would feel like a gift. that I’d be part of a story that i never wanted to end.



five years ago today i stood in the shadows, arm-in-arm with my dad, watching our bridal party walk down the aisle, hearing these lyrics:

These are the moments
I thank God that I’m alive
These are the moments
I’ll remember all my life
I have all I’ve waited for
And I could not ask for more.

and those lyrics resonate in my heart today. for all we've been through, all we have and all that awaits us - i thank the Lord with all of my heart. truly, i could not ask for more.


happy anniversary, luke. i loveth you.

the cut.

to cut or not to cut.

that has been the question.

at first, i was never tempted to cut caleb's hair. it was too cute, too original, too much a part of what made him him.

but after awhile, it got kind of crazy. unruly. impeding.

it was getting in his eyes. the sides were way too long. and on hot days, it must have been like wearing a wool hat. so i committed to cutting it this summer. but every time i was about to, i chickened out.

what if they cut too much? what if they cut off all of his curls? what if he looked like a different child afterwards? what would i be missing out on if i didn't just let it grow more?

(as you probably can guess, my indecisiveness isn't just limited to hair.)

i heard a lot of opinions on the matter. the majority told me not to cut it. ever. these were convincing pleas from family, friends and total strangers. i kid you not, one lady at trader joe's - someone i'd never met - made me promise her i wouldn't cut it until he was at least two years old. she was intense.

and then there were others who would look me dead in the eye and say, "nisha, you have to give that kid a hair cut." they must have recognized some of the aforementioned problems that his longer locks produced.

thankfully, no one suggested a buzz cut. because having one more option in my brain just might have sent me over the edge.

much to my own surprise. i made a decision. i was going to get him a trim. not a "cut," just a little trim. he'd still have his hair, but less of it. this would be a good thing. he would be able to see where he was going. he wouldn't lose food and other small items in it anymore. he would no longer be mistaken for a little girl.

i bit the bullet. and it was a total success.

we started here at bella and max. i would totally recommend this place to anyone (and thank you erin for recommending it to me). they had the coolest little seats, lots of toys and they even put in an elmo video for his viewing pleasure. not only did he not shed a single tear, but he had FUN.

Before:

After:
{okay, so it looks almost exactly the same. mission. accomplished. afterwards, we went to red robin to celebrate. he was a little extra flirty with the waitress and i think she may have snuck some extra mandarin oranges in his fruit cup. apparently the new do is already working for him.}