to the little boy i love most

Dear Caleb,

Here I am trying to wrap my head around the idea that in the next few weeks it won’t be just the three of us. We will be sharing our time, our space, our hearts with a little baby girl who you will call sister and we will call daughter.

It will no longer be just us. When you’ll have our undivided attention. When you’re our only child. When we can hold you and snuggle with you for as long as we want. When we can sit on the floor for hours reading books, playing with toys and coloring. When you’re the only one we have to put to bed at night and rescue every morning when you cry for “mommy and daddy.” When it’s just you we have to strap to the car seat and entertain on long drives.

I am not sad for us. I’m excited for us. But I’m a little worried about you. There are certain things I want to tell you before she comes. And the truth is, I do tell you these things all the time but you either ignore me or stare at me blankly or laugh at me, just as any sweet little boy who’s almost two should do.

I want you to know how much you are loved. How much you have to look forward to. And I want you to hold onto these words on those days you wish it was back to being us again … when you were the only child … when life was just a little more predictable and fair.

You are SO loved, Caleb. You are irreplaceable to us. Yes, we will have to share our attention and yes, we love your little sister with all of our hearts, too. But I hope you always remember that you started this whole thing. You taught us how to be parents. I don’t just love you. I adore you … I enjoy you … I delight in you. And I swear my heart grows bigger every second you are in my life.

There are so many wonderful changes that are in store for you. You are about to gain a lifelong partner in crime. Another little person for you to play with and grow up with and teach and learn from. A built-in best buddy. A little sister you get to protect. You are so good and gentle and nurturing with babies. I think you are going to be a fabulous big brother. I pray you will always strive to be someone she looks up to, someone she can trust and someone she always knows has her back. I know the sibling relationships aren’t always perfect, but I want you to remember that you and your little sis will always have a divine, everlasting bond that no one else can touch. I can’t wait to see this with my own eyes. I know you are going to love her and care for her in your own funny, sweet, unique way. I know you are going to do a wonderful job at this business of being a big brother.

I have loved every minute of it just being us. Every single minute. Because time spent with you ... watching you evolve and absorb and grow and thrive … it is all time that I cling to and never want to forget.

As we prepare to add another little person to our family, I just want to thank you for paving the road for her. It’s because of you that I’m so excited to be a mom again, and that I feel so much more confident this time. I’m excited for another person to fill my heart with the same kind of wonderful joy you’ve given me. You have been my little hero throughout. A boy who can make anyone smile. A tough little cookie. A thinker. Someone who runs, not walks. And a little angel who helped heal parts of me I didn’t even know were broken.

I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect boy to teach me how to be a mom.

Thanks for showing me the ropes, little man. You are always the little boy I love most.

Love,
Mom