730 days.

 

Dear Caleb B,

For 730 wonderful days you have been in my life. I doubt any of these days have been perfect, but all have undoubtedly been filled with the most thankfulness I have ever felt. It is amazing how giving up pieces of yourself – your time, your old ways of doing things, your body, your sleep, your lifestyle – can make you feel like you’ve gained so much.

 

I have gained so much.

 

730 days ago, I gained a 7lb 11oz little bundle in my arms. You were so perfect, I could barely breathe when I first laid eyes on you.

 

You are still perfect.

 

With every month that has passed, you’ve shown me how beautiful and profound little moments can be. And you’ve made me want to stop time and savor simply because I don’t want to miss a single second of you.

 

Just 365 days ago we were celebrating your very first birthday. You were still just my chubby little monkey man who crawled everywhere and was trying to take his first steps. I remember at your party you were trying to walk from me to your dad and you’d fall into our arms while friends and family applauded in celebration.

 

Now you run. Everywhere. And jump. And tumble. And wrestle. And tackle. You are such a boy. And you’re so much fun.

 

I cannot believe we’re celebrating two years. You’ve always been my little man, but at this stage of your life, you are a little man in the truest sense. You say the funniest things – actual sentences that make sense - and we have full-on conversations. You are a little person with a compassion and sweetness that I don’t see even in some adults. You are so kind and caring I love how God is shaping your heart.

 

You are also strong-willed. You aren’t shy about saying no and I don’t know how many times I’ve used the phrase, “Caleb, say no thank you” in the past few months. You’ve spent your fair share of time in time-out. But what I love is that you are learning. You’re learning your rights from your wrongs and how to obey even when it’s hard.

 

You still have a head full of curly hair and people still stop me all the time to tell me how awesome it is. I’m not afraid to cut it anymore because now I know it’ll grow back fast and curly.

 

Your face is one of my favorite things to look at. Your expressions are priceless – you've still got a 1,000 watt smile and a sad, pitiful frowny face. And it just kills me how serious you are when you are concentrating or watching something new for the first time.

 

You make the most adorable squeals when you’re excited. You say “bye mama, see you,” when you go somewhere with your dad. You love the movie Madagascar and are crazy about Thomas the Train. You know so many animal sounds and have started to make up silly songs. You randomly put your stuffed animals in time out.  You are always up for being chased around the house or for tackling daddy over and over and over again.

 

You are so gentle and sweet with baby Kenzie. I’ll miss you patting my belly and saying “hi baby” in your darling little voice.

 

I’m so proud of the little person you are, Caleb B. I just can't believe that God chose me be your mom for all the days of my life. It is the biggest honor and one that I love and enjoy with all of my heart.

 

Happy birthday, little man. Words can never express what I feel for you, but I will never stop trying to tell you. You are my “too good to be true,” and you’ve had my heart since day one.

Love,

Mom

 

a valentine's top ten (belated)

top ten reasons why it's good to be married to luke when you're preggo.

10. he tells you you’re pretty when you know you’re not.

9. he gets caleb from his crib EVERY morning and makes him a bottle so you can stay in bed.

8. he gets giddy during ultrasound appointments.

7. he gives you thoughtful pregnancy gifts like baby books, magazines, healthy snacks and flowers.

6. he gives THE best foot massages. on demand. and they are demanded a lot.

5. when you pass out on the couch, he always makes sure you end up snug in your bed.

4. he's very believable when he tells you everything is going to be okay.

3. he makes the cliche late night runs to buy you ice cream, peanut butter, low carb wraps ... anything.

2. he loves his children like nobody's business.

1. did i mention his foot massages?

luke i love you. you are quite simply the best around. you do a million little and big things for us every single day and never ask or expect to be thanked for any of it. but we are thankful for you. so, so thankful!

to the little boy i love most

Dear Caleb,

Here I am trying to wrap my head around the idea that in the next few weeks it won’t be just the three of us. We will be sharing our time, our space, our hearts with a little baby girl who you will call sister and we will call daughter.

It will no longer be just us. When you’ll have our undivided attention. When you’re our only child. When we can hold you and snuggle with you for as long as we want. When we can sit on the floor for hours reading books, playing with toys and coloring. When you’re the only one we have to put to bed at night and rescue every morning when you cry for “mommy and daddy.” When it’s just you we have to strap to the car seat and entertain on long drives.

I am not sad for us. I’m excited for us. But I’m a little worried about you. There are certain things I want to tell you before she comes. And the truth is, I do tell you these things all the time but you either ignore me or stare at me blankly or laugh at me, just as any sweet little boy who’s almost two should do.

I want you to know how much you are loved. How much you have to look forward to. And I want you to hold onto these words on those days you wish it was back to being us again … when you were the only child … when life was just a little more predictable and fair.

You are SO loved, Caleb. You are irreplaceable to us. Yes, we will have to share our attention and yes, we love your little sister with all of our hearts, too. But I hope you always remember that you started this whole thing. You taught us how to be parents. I don’t just love you. I adore you … I enjoy you … I delight in you. And I swear my heart grows bigger every second you are in my life.

There are so many wonderful changes that are in store for you. You are about to gain a lifelong partner in crime. Another little person for you to play with and grow up with and teach and learn from. A built-in best buddy. A little sister you get to protect. You are so good and gentle and nurturing with babies. I think you are going to be a fabulous big brother. I pray you will always strive to be someone she looks up to, someone she can trust and someone she always knows has her back. I know the sibling relationships aren’t always perfect, but I want you to remember that you and your little sis will always have a divine, everlasting bond that no one else can touch. I can’t wait to see this with my own eyes. I know you are going to love her and care for her in your own funny, sweet, unique way. I know you are going to do a wonderful job at this business of being a big brother.

I have loved every minute of it just being us. Every single minute. Because time spent with you ... watching you evolve and absorb and grow and thrive … it is all time that I cling to and never want to forget.

As we prepare to add another little person to our family, I just want to thank you for paving the road for her. It’s because of you that I’m so excited to be a mom again, and that I feel so much more confident this time. I’m excited for another person to fill my heart with the same kind of wonderful joy you’ve given me. You have been my little hero throughout. A boy who can make anyone smile. A tough little cookie. A thinker. Someone who runs, not walks. And a little angel who helped heal parts of me I didn’t even know were broken.

I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect boy to teach me how to be a mom.

Thanks for showing me the ropes, little man. You are always the little boy I love most.

Love,
Mom