five

Should I even try to describe the emotions I feel leading up to the day that you turn five years old? 5?! What in the world?

I remember when I was in the throes of the hard newborn days, my friend told me, "Just remember, the days are long, but the years are short."

The longer I am a mama, the more true these words become.

I think of a squishy little baby in a swaddle and see the handsome boy in Superman jammies that he grew to be. And, well. It’s almost too much.

All of it was new to me, Caleb. Strapping you into a car seat, feeding you, burping you, changing you, swaddling you, calming you, bathing you, putting you to sleep. I fumbled, I second guessed, I panicked. And I learned.

Maybe the only thing I didn't have to learn was how to love you.

The day you were born is that perfect day I play over and over and over in my head when I need to smile. Hearing your crackly newborn cry from behind the sheet while cheers erupted from your family waiting illegally just outside of the operating room. Seeing your dad’s face when he first saw you. It’s a face I’ve seen on him in some form or another almost every day since. The look of pride. He was so proud of you. He is so proud of you. That day, he got to meet the guy who would become his forever best buddy.

And I remember the moments later in our dimly lit hospital room. Your whole family waiting for you - til even the wee-est hours of the morning. I got to watch them all pass you around in your little swaddle and hat. I got to see their faces as they whispered to you and kissed you and just stared. And you still do that us, Caleb. You still bring smiles, and thankfulness and joy. I see it all the time. I feel it all the time.

Five years has seen diapers turn into big boy unders. Rice cereal into Indian food. Car seats into boosters. Baby Einstein into How to Train Your Dragon. Biting your bottom lip into ... well ... biting your bottom lip. Scribbles into words and pictures. Strangers at daycare into trusted teachers and lasting friends.  An only child into a big brother.

Somehow, suddenly, baby Caleb turned into five year old Caleb.

It has been breathtakingly beautiful and unbelievably hard. I have loved every minute of watching every detail of you. When I heard that baby cry on Feb. 28, 2010, I was so glad to see your exact face. It was the one I’d always wanted. And today, five years later, I’m still so thankful that yours was the face God graciously chose for our family. I’m so thankful that you are the boy that is my son.

It’s hard to say goodbye to the baby years, but it’s easy to see who you were, who you are, and who you may become and be so EXCITED. Thank you for painting joy on our faces every day. Thank you for pouring love straight into our hearts. Thank you for giving us the most humbling pride of being your parents.  

Bugs, Buggy Boo, Little Man Magoo, Baby Guy, Caleb B., Brother - Love you to the moon and back and a million kajillion.

Happy five years.

You still make us smile like no other: http://amarvelouslife.blogspot.com/2011/05/blog-post.html