my happy place

when i'm having a bad day, there are many places i can go in my head and it reminds me that i'm profoundly blessed and have so, so much to be thankful for.

some days, i close my eyes and i see you and your dad. you both have those big amazing eyes that are so expressive and so happy. he is making you laugh and you are looking at him like he's the best thing in the world.

some days, i think of hearing that newborn baby cry for the first time and the wave of relief and joy that rushed over me. i feel grace over and over again.

some days i picture you on the changing table turning your head back and forth while you kick and laugh. i feel your happiness and excitement.

some days i think of your head on my shoulder, snuggling with me. i remember that you depend on me and it makes me want to be better.

throughout my life, God has blessed me so much and given me so many examples of His great love and provision for us.

on even the worst of days, i know that i have it better than good.

when it comes down to it, i feel like i hit the jackpot.

i still cannot believe that we got YOU.

a little man who is adorable and sweet and full of personality.

who is quirky and funny and who is so absolutely wonderful.

a sweet baby who we delight in even on the worst of days.

thinking of the gift i received in you is always my happy place.

if anyone thought i was overreacting. . .

Sleep deprivation: it's no joke.

six months

Dear Caleb,

So without sounding cliché, I have to start by telling you that I can’t believe how quickly time goes by. I am writing to my six month old. MY SIX MONTH OLD. I can’t believe the baby I brought home from the hospital is the baby you now are. I feel like I blink and you grow, do something new or hit a milestone I was sure would be months away. When I go back and look at newborn pictures, I can’t believe the little bug who needed us for everything is the same little bug who now sits up on his own and eats solid food with a spoon.

To think. Six months ago, I was laying on an operating table and I heard you cry for the first time. I couldn’t see you, but I heard you. And just that, just the sweet sound of your little cry changed my life. And you have been doing amazing things to my heart ever since.

Here’s who you are at six months:

You are a little comedian. You love to laugh and make us laugh. Your giggle is so cute and funny and contagious. Sometimes, you laugh so hard I’m afraid that you won’t catch your breath. But you always do.

You want to suck on everything and put EVERYTHING in your mouth. We think you are teething, which must be such a strange feeling for you. But it will be so cute to see you with a little tooth.

You love green beans! And pretty much every vegetable you’ve tried. As a mommy who hates her vegetables, I couldn’t be more happier about this.

You love playing with toys. We’ll sit you in your Bumbo or on the couch and put a bunch of toys in front of you and you have so much fun just observing, exploring and of course, sticking it all in your mouth. You are so interested and aware of things.

You are also developing a little attachment thing with your mom and dad. These days you want to be held more than usual or you have a harder time going to other people when we are in the room.

Your best buds are still Sophie and Dotters and that puppet on Baby Einstein.

You have started giving us hugs. Or at least I choose to believe you are hugging me. You’ll put your arms on the top on my shoulders and nuzzle your head into my neck. And I want to freeze time in these moments.

You are a crazy kicker. Crazy. When you are lying down and get excited about something, you’ll laugh like a crazy person, kick furiously into the air, and move your head and arms back and forth. Almost as if you are trying to run.

You love day care. You still have yet to cry once when I drop you off. And your teachers adore you. They call you handsome and all the ladies marvel at your long lashes. (I am jealous of your lashes on a daily basis.)

You are fascinated with other babies and little kids. You always want to join in when they are playing.

You get startled kind of easily. You freak out if someone sneezes too loud or if a sound catches you off guard (like a crowd cheering suddenly during a Husky game IN A BAR . . . yes, you can blame your dad for that one).

At your six month appointment, the doctor said you were growing beautifully … average for weight, 74th percentile for height and 92nd percentile for head circumference. Hopefully this means you will be really smart.

For as much as you’ve grown and changed over these past months, I feel like I have, too. I am not the same person I was on February 28. It feels as though my heart has doubled in size and it’s still not big enough to hold all the love I have for you. You make me laugh, you make me better understand grace, and you remind me every day how generous and loving and good God is.

I feel so blessed that you are who you are. And that I get to forever be your mom.

Love,
Mom

Identity Crisis

Yes, I know we named you Caleb Benjamin.

But you probably think your name is:

Bugs
Bugsy
Bugsy Boo Magoo
Buddy
Little Buddy
Caleby
Caleboo
CA-bo
CA-bear

And that's just the list from this month.

Hope we haven't confused you.

First Overnighter at a Hotel

I will admit.

I was nervous.

Not only would we be taking Caleb with us overnight at a hotel . . . but we'd be staying for TWO nights.

I had visions of him screaming through the night.

And of the front desk being flooded with late night calls from people complaining about the new parents in room 1011.

But that didn't happen.

We had a WONDERFUL time at the Teknotherm retreat at Semiahmoo.

First of all.

Semiahmoo.

Don't even get me started about this place. It's so gorgeous and relaxing. I couldn't have had a better time.

And Caleb was loving his morning walks on the beach, his strolls up and down the hallway to get him to sleep, his room with the view and all the fabulous meals with great people.

And to think.

I was worried.

Hope to visit you again Semiahmoo. SOON.

Sitting up

It's so funny watching Caleb sit up on his own. At first he could only do it for a few seconds before toppling over.

And then he would cry.

Nowadays, he'll sit for longer periods of time to play with toys and watch his surroundings.

I wonder how he got so big so fast.

And ... in a surprising twist . . .

he thinks toppling over is pretty fun, too.

Tough Guy

We have had quite the week.

You fought a fever for two night in a row.

You have taken two shots directly in the thighs.

You have thrown up sweet potatoes like none other.

You have for the first time taken baby Tylenol.

Caleb B. You are a strong little man.

This hasn't been the most perfect of weeks.

But you continue to be a tough little dude.

I hated that you weren't feeling well.

But I loved that you were extra cuddly.

And you'd manage to muster tired, quiet smiles.

Thank you for making it easy on us.

Love you sweet Bugs.

The many faces of Caleb B.

This kid has the most dramatic expressions.

His smiles are the biggest I've ever seen.

His sad face, when his little lip quivers and turns downwards in dramatic fashion, is the saddest I've ever seen.

He laughs hard and cries hard.

And gets really startled sometimes.

It's impossible not to love this little face.