a love story.

Last summer Luke and I decided it was time to start thinking about another baby.

I thought about it. And to be honest, I was unsure about the timing. I felt very content with where we were - with each other, with finances, with Caleb, with finally beginning to balance everyday life with other things.
I didn’t want to mess it with it.

And then one week, I didn’t feel quite right. I left work on one of those days, convinced I had the flu, but nothing materialized. It was just something that lingered. On and on and on.

I finally succumbed to my suspicions and took a test. It was negative.

A week later, we were in Newport, WA spending the 4th of July weekend with our family. I couldn’t shake my sickness or the feeling that it was something more. I snuck away to a Safeway, picked up a test and watched in disbelief as two faded pink lines slowly appeared.

I was in the bathroom at Maggie’s store and when I emerged she saw the look on my face and I couldn’t hide it for long.

I couldn’t believe it. So I took three more tests after that. All were positive.

I called Luke and asked him to pick me up. I told him by putting a positive test in his coffee drink. Like a straw. And I was very awkward about it.

We told immediate family, but mostly kept the news to ourselves. I wasn’t quite ready to say it out loud for some reason.

This time around was different. It just was. I was excited and thankful, but mostly, I thought about how Caleb would adjust to a new sibling and how we'd adjust to having a newborn - again.
 
So the days lingered on. I got bigger. We slowly told more people. We wondered if it would be a boy or a girl. I thought about how to turn our guest bedroom into a nursery and where we'd fit another person in our house.

Before I knew it, we were driving to Sound Women's care again, walking down those familiar halls, ready for that all important appointment where we'd hear the heartbeat for the first time.

We met our new doctor. I laid on my back as she rolled the small ultrasound device over my belly. And I heard it. Steady and strong. She smiled at me and said, "there it is, your baby's heartbeat. Perfect."

It was real.

And, in that moment, it all kind of sunk in.

You were just meant to be. Before we had “decided” it was time to think about another baby. Before I had taken that test. Before I had told a single soul.

Before we had Caleb. Before I had Luke. Before I ever even knew what I was meant to do and be in this life.

Before it all.

You existed. And you have been in my heart. And what this was … this was just God introducing us for the first time.

 I felt like I knew you. I felt like you in our lives was the most natural, most beautiful thing in the word. I felt like I’ve loved you forever.

This is only the beginning. I am already delirious with love for you and I haven’t even held you for the first time yet. I can’t imagine how my heart will every contain the joy of seeing you for the first time.

And finally meeting you. It has been years in the making.

From the beginning of time, in fact.

Thank you for giving me this kind of love, daughter.

I'll see you soon.

Love,
Mom