crazy love.

image courtesy of google.

last year's mother's day was special because it was my first. this year, it just feels overwhelmingly sweet.

this past week, caleb had pneumonia. when i took him in for his chest x-ray, they had to put him in this torturous contraption. it was this thing that resembled a bicycle seat with two sides that closed up on either side of him, causing his arms to shoot up straight in the air. they let me hold his hands while they took the x-rays and, of course, he was so scared. he looked straight into my eyes through tears and yelled, "mama" over and over again. all i could do was grip his hands, look right at him and say over and over again, "you are going to be okay, baby, i promise."

the minute they said i could pick him up, i grabbed him and wrapped him in my arms, expecting him to cry for a long time. but he just rested his head on my shoulder, his arms enveloping me. when i brought his face to mine, he was even smiling. he knew he was safe again.

ah. what an honor. what a great gift. to get to love and protect this little one. to know that he trusts me. to get to be his mama. this little man makes me want to drop everything and do anything for him. he makes me laugh so hard without even saying a word. and i kid you not, in just one second ... one big lip, or one milestone, or one moment when he recognizes something you think he didn't ... it can produce an onslaught of tears. i've had many in 14 months. happy, sad, any kind of tears.

it's love. the most amazing, vulnerable, never-ending, craziest kind of love. thank you caleb b., for giving that to me.

and to our moms ... wishing you the happiest of days and appreciating your love, commitment and sacrifice more than ever.